this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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