Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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