It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
