Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
