I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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