Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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