Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
