my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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