remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
