I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
