I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
