dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
