do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
