We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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