Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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