Im at strip club and am horny
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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