it hurts more in the daytime
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
