I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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