It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
