I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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