My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
