My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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