don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
