I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
