some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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