Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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