apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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