he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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