and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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