I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
