I think I just saw someone hide a body.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
