Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
