butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize