Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
