i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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