dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
