I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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