My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
