I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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