There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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