don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
