Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
