Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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