I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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