i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
