I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
