you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
