grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
