I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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