just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
