i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
