I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
