Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
